The recent spate of crimes in the metro has me, for lack of a better description, cowering in fear. Truly. And for someone like me who lives by the “bahala na si Batman” motto, that really means something. Plainly said, I’m shit scared of what’s happening.
Just yesterday, I contacted a home-security specialist to ask for a quotation for CCTV’s and other security stuff. Why? There was a break-in and carnapping incident right down the street from where we live. To make matters worse, I found out that there was a salvaging that happened last week by the bridge just around the corner from our street. That was enough to get me into a frenzy.
I have already instructed the kids on how to stay safe at all times. Simple things, actually. Continue reading
My husband isn’t the best driver in the world. And he is the last person in the world to admit that he can be the penultimate asshole on the road.
Anyway, it started with a bumper sticker.
My husband saw our neighbor’s bumper sticker saying “I’m not speeding…I’m qualifying.” He found it absolutely cute. I found it obnoxious. And that started it.
Husband : “I’m not eating dinner here tomorrow. I have to go to Alabang.”
Me : “Are you taking the skyway?”
Husband : “Oo naman. Mas mabilis eh.”
Me : “Dun ka na sa ibaba. I don’t want you taking the skyway because of your asshole driving.”
Husband : “I’m not speeding…I’m qualifying…hehehehe!! Did you see that sticker sa kapitbahay?”‘
Me : “Yup, and it’s not funny. Kids tell Papa to drive safely.”
Gaby : “Papa, I’m scared of your driving. I only like Mama’s driving.”
Adi : (making swinging motions) “Yah..I go swoosh and swoosh when you drive, Papa.”
Husband : “If I die, you’ll be very rich. So don’t mind my driving na ha..”
Gaby : “When you die, I’m taking your Ipad. Adi you can have the Iphone. Mama, you can have the laptop. I know the password naman eh.”
Husband : “You’re bad ha. Sige, if I die I will make you multo. When you turn on the Ipad and Iphone, my face will be there.”
They learned from the best..yes
After watching Percy Jackson, the girls were so smitten with the character that they both decided that he was one of the coolest kids around. When they told their Dad about their feelings, this is what happened.
Gaby : “Papa, Percy Jackson is sooooooo cool!! And he is sooooo pogeh!”
Papa : “More pogeh than me?”
Gaby : “You’re pogeh too, Papa.”
Papa : “Yah, but who is more pogeh?”
Gaby : “Uhm….Percy! He has more hair kasi, so he is more pogeh.”
Everyone in the family knows that my husband and I have pretty weird conversations. It follows since each of us have an unconventional sense of humor that actually complement each other.
So its no surprise to have us trading cuss words and colorfully worded insults which are not meant to hurt each other. We just talk to each other that way.
Over the weekend we had to schedule an emergency trip to my hubby’s hometown due to a death in the family. We were mostly somber during the trip until we reached the Candaba swamps. There was a huge sign christening the swamps as “The Candaba Wetlands” which, to me, seemed very appealing and better sounding than swamps.
Anyway, since we were on our way to a wake, the subject of death came up. I asked if their family intended to have the deceased relative cremated since this was the “uso” thing to do these days. Apparently not, at least in their family.
So I said that if and when it was my time, I wanted to be brought straight to the crematory from my death bed. I didn’t want a wake. I just wanted to be cremated right away. And I wanted my ashes scattered in the Candaba Wetlands to serve as fertilizer.
My husband gave a snicker and said, “Pag namatay ka, ikakalat ko ang abo mo sa SnR at sa Trinoma. Para you can be in your favorite shopping places forever!!”
End of conversation. One point goes to the hubs.